Sometimes your life is hard. They don’t tell you that at first, but then a careful parent or an honest teacher gives you the right dope. “The reason things are hard is because life is hard,” they’ll say, with a little trepidation or an angry bark in their voice. They will tell you that struggle builds character, or toughness, or even chest hair. Those who grow chest hair are very stubborn at this point, and play the role of Dad in a 1950’s oil film, or a B-list comedian from a party scene in a Netflix teen drama that gives your brain the best. the shock of, “Oh, that clown!” so you might try to forget that this might be the 1,000th episode of television where teenagers navigate the pitfalls of the dreaded “HOUSE PARTY”.
Sidebar: I’m sure my shows have had some sort of similar scene that echoes the distinct anxiety that comes with wandering around a big party that has to be busted by the police and worried neighbors within 20 minutes of it starting. Watching actors play drunk is repulsive on its face, young actors (or young 30-year-olds pretending to be teenagers) pretending to be lost adorning the lily pad. I understand that we are in the Age of Internet Television, where shows are shot with multiple 4K cameras, and broadcast networks are not afraid to let directors and editors “get kooky” with filters, virtual effects, and non-linear storytelling!
I’m here as a man, I’m telling you, show the creators, that I don’t need to see what a high school reunion looks like in first person view in a long time! No more lone cup towers! No more make-up scenes! No more accidentally filling the house! No more underdogs losing their V card with universal 10! No more bouncy castle labyrinths! No more jello-shot swimming pools! No more hitting the panic room! No more backseat pumping! No more paintball massacres! No more accidental drowning at the beer table! No more getting stuck in the washing machine or under the coffee table! No more step-porn! Unless it’s a Stepford Wives parody, which I’m sure it is. Or strep throat porn. Hmm. Can you tell I slept two hours last night as I typed this? Who needs drugs when you can try to write the closest baseball article that makes no sense while your eyes roll back in your head? Not me! I’m not sure!
I’ll just say this: Watch the party scenes of any teen drama from the late 80s and early 90s and you’ll understand Gen X/Y’s sense of social norms, sexuality, and confusion over the overuse of “cringe.” There is nothing more true to life than watching child actors perform a mock party in front of a live studio audience with a lounge or basement set that had all the glamor of an abandoned CVS pharmacy waiting area. No cringe. Only Zulu.
I brushed this off as life being hard, but the first glimpse was handed to me by Gray on a silver platter. Life is still hard, but if you surround yourself with the right people and a film crew, then you end up releasing a multi-season Netflix show that takes place at one high school party. On to the blurbs!
Blurbstomp reminder
We will analyze player blurbs on a given night, knowing that 1-2 writers are usually responsible for all player writing posted within an hour of game results. We will look at:
Boy Scout’s Flowery Diction A badge– exploring how words create meaning, sometimes destroy meaning altogether
Mathematics Participation Ribbon – Multiple Ratings and Attributes in a given blurb
Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award – Given a glimpse of a player who promises too much and delivers too little.
Bob Nightengale Memorial Plaque – blurbs don’t always need to be heard, friend
The Max Scherzer Crown of Leaking Insane Rage – slurred words angry at the player are not good
The hope is that by the end of the season, we’ll all feel more confident about our player evaluations when it comes to giving up. We will read the blurbs and be swayed by extreme speculation, erroneous injury reporting, and micro-hype. I’ll know I’ve done my job when Gray posts, and there isn’t a single question about the contributors in the comment section. Proceed to Roto Wokeness!
Bob Nightengale Memorial Plaque
The Angels are using 3B Anthony Rendon from a 60-day injury.
Rendon returns from his 2 1/2 month absence without a rehab assignment because it’s the Angels and nobody really cares. He will alternate between third base and DH for now. He may provide some value in deep mixed leagues while healthy.
Source: Rotoworld
Lust. 60 day injury cravings. Not to be cheap, but I think we’ve all had a crush on Rendon. Will you or won’t you? If we don’t follow him, he will go to someone else’s team, right? Oh, I’m sorry. This passion has been active for the past two years at least? So the lust for 324 games hurt? We’re still talking about my desire to hide young men who are about to come out of a wounded desire, let’s praise where it’s due.
The snark used in almost every blurb by Angels players has been a direct response against picking on Angels players. Nothing fancy “hey this guy could be good in a different lineup”, just straight up bile about lineup placement and the overall quality of the regulars. Examples of that.
However, to be transparent in the explanation mentioned about the situation of the team, I only recommend Anthony “I don’t seem to be interested in playing the game of baseball” Rendon as an option in the mixed leagues talking about the wrong situation to analyze the blurring of the year of Bored 2024 of us. It’s like if you have an HVAC guy in your house, and he tells you that the air conditioner has cracks and leaks. He tells you that according to his records, the company advised him to change the unit two years ago, but he ignored him because they came during the Autumn, he thought he could delay the inevitable because the property tax had increased to an inappropriate level. , and you were trying to stretch your dollar. Then it turns out that your condo association appealed the property tax increase, so you can replace that unit. However, your refrigerator broke so suddenly that after two years.
And after all that, the HVAC guy smiles and says, “Sure, it’s leaking and it’s going to damage the floor and ceiling below, but you can still make it work as an air conditioner, as it slowly turns into a potentially brutal character.” in the next Brave Little Toaster movie.”
Of course this blur is like the HVAC guy telling you that your broken appliance needs to be replaced, but it’s also okay to use it. And this last sentence is how I explain the analogy to an unnamed group of students. The last sentence in this was my example of describing a joke in a way that enhances the meta-comedic bit.
Reminds me of that very confusing RW waivers article recommending picking up MJ Melendez a month or so ago, even though he’s been extremely bad for over a full season, and has no signs of a positive decline or change in direction. coming. A quick update on that: Melendez is still not good. I told you it would be fast! About the fact that we are talking more about fishermen!
Boy Scouts Flowery Diction Badge
Patrick Bailey went 2-for-2 with a home run, three runs, and three walks against the Blue Jays on Wednesday.
Bailey was perfect at the plate on Wednesday, reaching all five plate appearances. He pitched the first inning and scored on a base hit by Thairo Estrada. After drawing another walk in the second, Bailey singled and struck out another in the fifth. He walked three times in the sixth before going yard with a solo homer in the ninth. The 25-year-old backstop is hitting a solid .280/.356/.430 with seven homers and 30 RBI in 248 plate appearances.
Source: Rotoworld
This was a great performance by Bailey, but I noticed a pattern regarding Rotoworld’s coverage of Patrick Bailey. There are some players Rotoworld – a website based on the principle that blurbs need to come hot and fast with respectable fantasy analysis – who decide to completely forget the context of the dream in order to analyze it. Bailey has been very good this year, especially on the defensive end. But as President Lincoln once said, “Nobody plays in a league with defensive stats. Now, someone please get my dexedrine from the medicine cabinet. I am not strong enough with my daguerreotype.”
Just 26 plate appearances earlier, you had this same IRL flow:
Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award
Patrick Bailey went 2-for-5 with three RBIs Sunday in the Giants’ upset win over the Dodgers.
Bailey’s impressive outburst continued this time around with doubles in the fourth and eighth innings, respectively, as part of a 10-hit, 16-hit outburst for San Francisco this time around. The 25-year-old backstop has an impressive line of .284/.353/.433 with six homers and two steals in 222 plate appearances in 59 games so far.
Source: Rotoworld
I looked up Bailey on Player Rater. I checked his rankings in the Season/Last 30 Days/Last 14 Days/Last 7 Days filter, and they were as bad as you’d expect. In Yahoo’s regular 5×5 12-team mixed league, his highest ranking as of Wednesday night was 300’s overall, and that was his ranking for the Last 14 Games. He walks a lot, which helps in OBP leagues, but otherwise fits the bill as a number two catcher who won’t kill you for average, but otherwise provides very boring counter stats for a guy at the peak of eligibility. However, their advice as of June 23rd was, “He’s playing well enough and starting often enough to be put in regular one-catcher leagues.”
For fantasy purposes, he’s not producing enough in the regular league to warrant signing up for Shea Langeliers own offense. Unless you need, uh, batting average or OBP, he’s not in the catchers conversation. Why are we having this conversation? Look what they (Rotoworld) did to my boy (me). They (Rotoworld) killed my boy (me).
I need to sleep now. Lord knows when I come to send, I will be suddenly charged by an unknown force that will end the minute I need to take care of any responsibility.
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