Royce Lewis hit IL with a concerned hostage saying, “Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-but! I want to play! My captor is ready! I’m not a mollusk! I have no hostage! Do I look like a mollusk?” Rocco Baldelli then pressed a lemon on his head, sprinkled Maldon salt and brought him down. Bye, Royce Lewis, back to his home Planet IL. In his place, the twins called a top prospect, Brooks Lee. New extension! So, like-Lee you’ve heard a lot about Brooks, but you’re not sure why. Here are some quick, green dog facts: He hit 7 HRs in 20 games at Triple-A while hitting .329 with a 13.8% slugging rate. That’s good. He is a bull in every league. He reminds me of another Twin – Carlos Correa. I said the other day that James Wood was the last big call, and I was wrong. I failed to answer weak Royce Lewis. Hope’s last Itch article featured James Wood, Shane Baz (up and coming below) and Brooks Lee. You can think about entering number four before it’s too late. Unless you’re a mustard person. Haha, because Mayo. Was that obvious? Hmm… Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Festa – 5 IP, 7 ER, 10.80 ERA. Karamu Festa For-NEVER!
Keider Montero – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.60. The flagging is very funny because there will be someone like Festa, who is well-known hopefully, and she’s breastfeeding, and Keider Montero sings well and I’m like, “Who da fudge?” Only I didn’t say fudge.
Riley Greene – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. A lot of people say that my Josh Naylor sleepover was the best sleepover ever, but they forgot about my Riley Greene sleepover.
Matt Vierling – 1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .249. Meh, you know. What I wanted to say is, I just watched the Clippers, a show about the Clippers, and it’s a train wreck at the end, but incredibly confusing and/or interesting depending on your point of view: It seems to strongly suggest LeVar Burton and Doc Rivers. we met in a sauna and became incredibly close, like, you know, boys do. It’s not true at all, they say it’s not, but it’s weird I had to talk about it, let’s move on.
Christian Scott – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.32, as remembered. He watched this start, and was kept out of the big hitters. Any consolation? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Tyrone Taylor – 1-for-3 with his 5th homer, 3rd homer last week. He’ll be in this week’s Shop column coming out Friday to you, but it’s already on Patreon.
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and 2nd day in a row I pray JRod gets this hot.
Mark Vientos – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. I know this doesn’t mean anything, but he looks tough. The ball flies off his bat. These are not mindless homers.
Mitchell Parker – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.61. Streamonator hates the next one, and I don’t really trust him, but I might try him in that next start against cards.
Luis Garcia Jr. – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homers. I’m glad I started him this week for no reason other than a lack of options, even though I was cursing myself for making the first two games of the week where he didn’t start. Rocky 3 (old heads know) is a straight platoon player.
James Wood – 2-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and his first steal. And it’s already hitting for the 3rd time!
Shota Imanaga – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.16. It’s not as tough without Bryce, but it’s still a strong lineup, and he was good until he connected in the 6th with a homer after an infield single. You have to Shota!
Alec Bohm – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. [to the tune of The Thong Song] Bohm-bah-dah-bhomu-Bohm.
Jose Alvarado – 1 IP, 0 ER, 3.09 ERA, and his 13th save. Oh, we cook with jerk seasoning now because we have a spice committee.
Manny Machado – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Don’t think he stole a base, but everyone on the Padres did, does Heim suck or what?
Michael Wacha – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.74. I keep saying Wacha could be Seth Lugo for two months and he picked up waivers and I feel like I’m being ignored.
Isaac Paredes – 1-for-3 with his 14th homer, and second homer in three games. No one is saying that my roommate in Paredes was the best, but “it’s not bad.”
Ryan Pepiot – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.40. After this start, he popped the bottle to see which team he would be playing on next week. It was between the Padres and the Phils.
Joey Estes – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.39. Estes has a command of targeting, and some incredibly weak sauce stuff. A monocle may be needed at home in good matchups, like last night, but not much else here.
Brent Rooker – 3-for-4 with his 17th homer, second homer in two games, and third homer in five games. That’s how B. Rent is measured by the year.
Davis Daniel – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.70. Damn Daniel, he’s actually not good. Surprise.
Dean Kremer – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, 3.93 ERA, since activated from IL. He struggled in his rehab start at Triple-A, posting an 11.42 ERA during his reassignment, but this start was against the Mariners, who are far worse than Triple-A’s offense.
Ryan O’Hearn – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .294. They will be studying O’Hearn and his draft value at the College of Charleston Fantasy Baseball for years to come. He was very affordable, and everyone knew what he was going to do, because he just did it.
Raleigh – 1-for-4 with his 15th home run. The .201 hitter hit third for the M’s. He has a .288 OBP. It’s July 3rd.
Gavin Stone – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.03. Like a firecracker that Stone.
Freddie Freeman – 2-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. Also, in this game, Teoscar Hernandez hit his 19th homer. The Dodgers clearly have a stacked roster. They are short of money to bet and placed. But it is not an exaggeration to say that their origin of the order is not pleasant. Like breastfeeding is fun. Big time helps.
Christian Walker – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 19th and 20th homer, and 2nd and 3rd homer in two games. Stay with me for a moment. My original LABR team consisted of Aaron Judge, Walker, Ozuna, and Naylor. Oh, and JRod, if he ever hits. As for Wuertz, on the ride I have Ranger Suarez, Sonny Gray and Yamamoto, if he ever comes back.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, 2nd homer of the week. He hit five homers and hit .337 in June. Lou-Gu-Ju my boy!
Gabriel Moreno – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Have you heard of Arte Moreno? This is Tardy Moreno, but better late than never.
Rowdy Tellez – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer. You would think that you would have eaten that hot schmotato by now and there would be no more, but you would be wrong.
Jared Jones – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.56. This is how you make a comeback, Luis Gil! Pay back a little, not everything.
Miles Mikolas – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.19. I’m sure that whenever I start Mikolas he makes bupkis in my team and whenever I don’t start him, he’s respectable. It may be confirmation bias, but I’m here to vouch for you! Streamonator hates the next one, and I don’t trust him, literally.
Brian Bello – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.19. [whispering into a dreamcatcher] I would like all my starters to face the Marlins. [seeing you looking] Get your own dreamcatcher!
Stuart Fairchild – 1-for-3 with his 5th homer. He outdid Friedl by about .00000000001 of the amount. Enter emoji with calculator and noose.
Noelvi Marte – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his first homer. Noelvi has left the building! (Clunky but it’s a holiday, cut your man a little slack.)
Andrew Abbott – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 3.28. The Reds starters walked into Yankee Stadium, the pitchers were brutally smart, and dominant. Looking at Abbott’s stats, and Abbott isn’t that good, but I’d happily take “bad” for a good ERA.
Carlos Rodon – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.45. I’m too lazy to dig up old perts, but there were some people complaining that Rodon was the best value late in the draft.
Jordan Alvarez – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer, 3rd game in a row, hitting .303. 21 more to go! Oh man, do you know what you’re doing? That thing when a guy is so hot I don’t want the All-Star Break to stay hot.
Jordan Romano – He underwent elbow surgery and was sidelined for six weeks. Probably down a year. If you want Romano, please use a shaker.
Yusei Kikuchi – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.12 vs. Ronel Blanco – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.53. This matchup was billed as, “Grey yells why isn’t Yusei the one with the 2.53 ERA? Why? Why? Why? U, I…”
Jordan Hicks – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.47. If I started Hicks, I would be very happy with that start. Is it good that the starting point is Hicks Bar? It’s not a big bar, but it’s my bar. The Hicks bar is unsatisfactory.
Martin Maldonado – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his second homer. I hope he makes the All-Star Game after being overlooked by the fans. Wonderful consideration!
Erick Fedde – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.13. He sported a jersey where the White Sox crossed out and it read (Insert Team Name Here).
Gavin Williams – 4 IP, 5 ER, as activated from IL. Oh, yes, you are absolutely right. No worries at all here! Good as new! Elbow healed ship-shape!
Joey Ortiz – Hit IL with neck swelling. As Wu-Tang said, you better protect your neck.
Aaron Civale – Sold to the Brewers. I’ll get to that in a second. First, Shane Baz goes down! The Rays traded Civale to The Fonz to make room for The Baz! These are not old references. Rather new and fresh. Would I be interested in referring Laverne and Shirley? Shirley Feeney and Laverne DeFazio were my childhood sweethearts, and now they’re both dead. Anyway, Happy 4th of July! With the top of the food pyramid open for competition at Nathan’s Hot Dog Contest, I hope you’ll take the plunge today and stuff your mouth with frankfurters. Remember there is no dog fighting, it is the dog in the fight. So, I’ve already given you my Shane Baz dream. I caught him immediately when I saw the news. He will start Friday, and it will be two months. As for Civale, here’s the thing, the Rays and Brewers are both pretty good at churning out a number of pitchers. Just because the Rays couldn’t, doesn’t mean the Brewers can’t. He was a popular sleeper in the draft because there is something there – 8.7 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, basically the same peripherals as last year with a 3.46 ERA, although he has a 5.07 ERA this year. The Brewers could turn him on, and I bought a change. By the way, you’re talking about Laverne and Shirley and they’re both dead, can you imagine someone going on Wikipedia and changing present tense to past tense? No? Hmm…Well, Happy 4th of July!
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