Dylan Cease (9 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 3 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.50) pitches well, but you know what else? Dylan Cease is a great host! Not in 1954 by today’s definition! I don’t know if you are playing like this. I say he is as good a person as 1776 to 1953. Between 1953 and ’54, the word dandy took an unexpected turn. It’s a really good turn if that’s the way you turn. We don’t judge exchanges here! Yesterday, Dylan Cease threw his second no-hitter of the year, and there are guys in the league who can’t throw a no-hitter every time they go out or get hit with 4 ER in 5 IP while walking six, and Dylan Cease is that guy! I’d say Dylan Cease could challenge for Cy Young this year, but he’s had one of those years already – in 2022, he had a 2.20 ERA in 184 IP. The wild thing here is that you actually have better peripherals this year than last year. That year he was a little lucky with BABIP, and this year he was a little unlucky with homers and LOB%, but only slightly. He is actually a 3.25 ERA pitcher with the best hitting in baseball. A dandy, indeed! Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
AJ Puk – Traded to the DBacks for Deyvison De Los Santos and Andrew Pintar. Okay, the Marlins got “Oh wow, I thought they said Andrew Painter.” Honestly, though, this is a good trade by the Marlins. What were the DBacks thinking? I hope they didn’t think Puk could be brought back into the rotation, because that shizz doesn’t work. And they have a near and far chance in the playoffs. A really strange move by the DBacks. Puk retains its value, which is very small. I’m going to grab Andrew Nardi to handcuff Tanner Scott now, if he leaves. The real big change here would be Deyvison De Los Santos. He looks like a future stud. Hitting .289 with a homer in every third game in Triple-A right now as a 21-year-old. Deyvison De Los Santos is already hidden in my NL-Only leagues, and could be a big call up in mixed leagues, if he gets the call. Kinda beat the DBacks down and gave up Deyvison De Los Santos for midfield help. Did the DBacks allow AJ Preller to guest-GM?
Randy Arozarena – Traded to the Mariners, and going the other way to the Rays were Aidan Smith and Brody Hopkins. WUT! HOT STOVE KIDS! Love this shizz! Put it in my veins! Randy’s move to Seattle means he is getting closer to fulfilling his one true calling of being Randy of the Redwoods. If you know the signs of 30 years, well played, old heads! So, the Rice Bowl goes to one of the worst stadiums in baseball, and, man, when is it going. He has 15 homers, and in Seattle that would be 13 homers per Statcast, but you don’t really think of the Rice Bowl as a power bat, and you can see him doing more or less the same in Seattle as he was. Tampa. After all, the Rays were a terrible team. Maybe Rice can help JRod get well again. One can only hope!
Christian Yelich – He will rest and rehabilitate his back rather than surgery. I’m sure you’ll be fine in two weeks.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-5 with his 28th homer, hitting .243. Yeah, he wasn’t in my top 100 in the 2nd half. In his last 11 games, he’s hitting around .330, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs and all eyes are on Mountcastle for the O’s trade lure for a starter or reliever or both.
Colton Cowser – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. Hey, he’s having a great season, but the O’s were also dealing with Roddery Munoz. It was a surprise to see Mountcastle out of action. Know, “It’s Roddery, my dear Mountcastle.”
Connor Norby – 2-for-4 with his second homer. It’s Norby!
So, here’s what I said last time Connor Norby was called, “I may have watched a lot of political movies but I thought Connor Norby was a Republican strategist. ‘My name is Connor Norby and I stand for tax reform.’ That’s not him. Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this before: The Orioles’ top prospect was hitting well for the kids–Stop! He had a 9/7/.286 line in Triple-A with 206 ABs–Stop! His Ks are way up in Triple-A, and he might just be up until Jorge Mateo returns in 7-10 days…No? Hmm, bummer. Don’t judge anyone who makes Norby so mad. ” And I’m the one quoting me! Some of those stats have changed since then, but the general feeling remains. The only real difference is if the trade deadline shakes things up, ie, Matheo sent somewhere for middle help? Norby sent elsewhere for SP. Something like that.
Corbin Burns – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.39. Early game, so I watched, and he made the Marlins look like a Little League team for most of the game. Otto Lopez hit one pitch, and after that his dad came off the field and said, “Okay, let’s go get ice cream.”
Craig Kimbrel – 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.92, and a hit save. This game should have ended with Connor Norby entering the Marlins clubhouse, and Tanner Scott entering the O’s clubhouse.
Forrest Wall – Wanted by the Marlins and Mexico will pay him.
Josh Bell – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. Find a hot hitter like Josh Bell who has the potential to be traded. Bell will be in today’s Buy column, because naturally.
Chris Sale – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.68. He’s going to be incredibly scary last year if he’s ranked in the top 50. I will cry.
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, 5th homer in four games. You didn’t just want to draw him, but, when you did, you hated yourself for it.
Brent Rooker – 1-for-5 with his 24th homer, 2nd homer in three games. He’s a top 20 Player Rater of the year, I’ve casually dropped him from the High Stakes Main Event League.
Lawrence Butler – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (11) and walks (7). Don’t wait until the afternoon Buy a column to download Butler. Please.
Mason Miller – He broke his pinkie with his fist on the table. Ironically, that’s everyone’s reaction when told their next destination is Sacramento. Most thought Lucas Erceg would get the save next month, and work an 8th inning (clean, but still). Turd Ferguson gets the save–Sorry Tyler Ferguson (1 IP, 0 ER, 3.97 ERA) gets his first save. Miller’s non-throwing arm, so it may not take long to return. In other words, how badly do you want to save, Mr. or Ms. Turd Picker-Upper?
Hello Bradley – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.43. Last nine starts, 55 IP, 0.82 ERA, 65 Ks, 0.87 WHIP. Watching Taj come into his own has been fun. Honest Hashtag posting.
Brandon Lowe – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, and his 2nd homer in three games, and 6th homer in July. Lowe’s won’t be in the Buy column this afternoon, but he’s here now, so do the right thing.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.57. Ugh, a disappointing start. Oh, not over the top, but after running it through What Did This Pitcher Throw Vs. The Standard Team If That’s What You Throw In Vs. Shite Sox Generator. Scherzer has thrown 2 IP, 4 ER against the average team.
Marcus Semien – 2-for-4 with his 15th homer. Simien joined those White Sox. Ew…What is this, American Pie?
Jonathan Cannon – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.43. He wouldn’t start Cannon even if Streamonator liked him and Gavrilo Princip just shot someone.
Jordan Hicks – Sounds like you’re headed to the barn. Which party is not confirmed.
Wilmer Flores – Hit IL with knee tendonitis. David Villar was remembered. That memory went like this, “Uhh…Do we have someone to fill in here? David something? Villalobos? Is that his name? Villar! That’s all!”
Clayton Kershaw – 4 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, as activated from IL. [looking up his minor league numbers] Yes, you are 35 years old and you just got called now? I don’t know, five boys and girls. Anyone have any info on this guy? Someone said you have a nice curve or something. Okay, to reiterate what I’ve been saying all week about returning pitchers: Ray can be an ace, Kershaw is old, and I don’t expect a ton, and I expect Senga to get hurt again and/or stink.
Nick Ahmed – 2-for-4 with his second homer, coming off his former club, the Giants. Nick Ahmed: The Revenge Game! Nick Ahmed says Ahem! Okay, that’s all I have.
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-4 with his 31st homer. Not bad for a pitcher.
Jordan Lyles – Signed by the Dodgers. DFA’d James Paxton and signed Lyles? Well, the Dodgers aren’t negotiating, and are willing to send (your pick of their prospects) Jameson Taillon, Jack Flaherty or Tarik Skubal. No, it’s not!
Gavin Williams – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.50. He gives up a home run to Javy Baez, so, sadly, the Rangers need to DFA Gavin Williams. [holds hands up as if to say ‘I can’t do anything else for you’]
Javier Baez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his second homer, hitting .177. That was his first homer since April 14. With his homer, his OPS jumped to .460, still worst in the majors, but only .003 behind Tim Anderson, who was previously DFA’d by -Marlins three weeks ago. I don’t say this lightly, but the collapse of the Cubs’ Big 3 (Rizzo, Bryant, Baez) since 2016 will be read for generations. There’s something up here, and we haven’t figured out what it is yet. We need the country to be a conspiracy hub in 2016.
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