yesterday, Heston Kjerstad he went 2-for-4, as he was also called up by the O’s. I mean they didn’t say that, but how goes the old saying: Fool me once, shame on you. You cheated on me twice, I still blame you. You cheated me five, six, seven times by calling rookies and never playing them? I won’t be fooled by you again, unless Kjerstad starts playing regularly and I need him. Okay, I’m still interested! He has 35 homer potential, but could hit .205. Yesterday he played in place of Colton Cowser who I think was cooked. If Kjerstad, the capital of Aruba, continues to play, he can be a big power forward, and he can be useful in all leagues. (Until the Orioles put out their schedule card on Tuesday and Kjerstad doesn’t play.) I’ve cheated sixteen times and I’m asking you kindly, “Please, guys, I’m so naive, can you hang up on me?” Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday on fantasy baseball:
Kade Povich – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.15. You know when you write someone off the show to temporarily give you Proxy #1? That’s Povich. Until the O’s trade for an arm, they end up at #1. Unfortch, and has a substitute #2 and substitute #3.
Tanner Bibee – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.50. He was actually much better than his ERA. He is a borderline ace. Even this year it is still possible. Learn more about the host, Flaherty.
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (20) and walks (15), hitting .276. JoJoRam has received MVP votes in seven different years, and has no awards. Get your toast ready, because I’m afraid you’re going to be a bridesmaid again this year.
Nelson Velazquez – Selected for Omaha. Sounds like he could be in the next Alexander Payne movie.
Michael Massey – 1-for-4, 1 run as activated from IL. I just looked at the Royals roster, that’s supposed to be good, and, whoa, what a woof. Guys, the hitting is a mess this year, if that’s one of the good players.
Salvador Perez – 1-for-4 with his 12th homer. That Royals roster that was supposed to be bad went crazy yesterday, because the Marlins are horrible. Also, in this game Vinnie Pasquantino (1-for-4) hit his 8th homer, and Hunter Renfroe (1-for-2) hit his 7th. All three tend to be hot so I don’t spread Bartolo Colon, the Marlins starter of today.
Cole Ragans – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (3 BBs), 11 Ks, ERA at 3.03. This was against the MIA Marlins. I will start Nancy Reagan against them.
Michael Lorenzen – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.04. I was fed up in all my leagues, I missed Lorenzen this week. After I bowl to Spencer Turnbull, I’ll let you know how my luck goes.
Adolis Garcia – 2-for-4 with his 14th homer. He’s still on pace for almost 30 homers, but he’s hitting .218, with all the problems people had with him the last few years? They finally seem to rear their ugly head. Call her Medusa Garcia.
Freddy Peralta – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.03. Hey, FreddyKBB, anytime you want to turn on the Pink Floyd lasers, and rock, I’m ready.
Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer, a grand slam, hitting .224. I feel like I’m not collecting on my preseason bet that Hoskins will lead off the majors.
TJ Friedl – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but in retrospect it was a mistake when he researched the “How To Stay Healthy” class that Eloy taught this off-season. As for Cronenworth, Jonathan India (3-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI) led the way yesterday.
Elly De La Cruz – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. Whatever, I’m not sweating! I got my 11th homer off Oneil Cruz. 11 is better than 14 because it keeps me hungry!
Carson Spiers – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.45. First, the Reds’ writer:
Carson Spiers has consistently kept the Reds in games this year. His strengths are striking out, mixing a lot of different pitches and making certain game plans for certain hitters.
His development over the last few years has been a triumph for the Reds.
— Charlie Goldsmith (@CharlieG__) June 25, 2024
He started two games this year. This was his 2nd start. He was doing well. BAD, as in an R&B song. To be honest, I feel like 50% of my job is to drive people away from the nonsense they see or hear from fans of slash-beat writers. Spiers was decent, because he has limited outings (and no Ks — 7.2 K/9), and I spread him last night, and I tried to FAAB him everywhere, because he gets the Cards next. Streamonator doesn’t like it, because Spiers doesn’t have a track record, but I’m going for it. Pray for me.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – Hit IL with his quad stress response. I hope he doesn’t take anything ‘special’ to help with his recovery. Like boner pills. Bryce Johnson was called up to replace him. No Nyce Johnson, Tatis! Johnson is fast – a two-minute man! – and he might hit .175, and meet David Peralta. Yes, that David Peralta.
Yu Darvish – Dealing with elbow pain. The Padres said it was small. Oh, I’m sure. Damn, I’m suffering from eye pain.
Casey Mize – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.54. Say this on the podcast coming up today, but it’s interesting to see Mize now thinking about Skubal and Flaherty, that is, it seems like it’s Mize’s issue more than the Tigers’ coaches. Don’t get me wrong, it seems like there’s something I can do for Mize, uh, consideration, but it’s clear she’s still struggling.
Alec Bohm – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and a slam (9) and walks (4). Bohm, Bohm, shake the rohm!
Bryce Harper – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .303. Do you ever look at Harper and think, “Wow, this is a guy I didn’t want in the 2nd round of the 2024 draft? Was I smoking crack? Was it the crack in my vape pen? The flavor said Melonball Gonzo, but it must have been cracked. “
Aaron Nola – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.39. He got himself into trouble in the third, but got out easily with a triple play. Is it me (not me) or are all triple games easy? They always seem to have that “What’s the freakin’ ding-dong running in the game doing?” Wait, wait, wait, why isn’t he retreating from his base? “
Jorge Polanco – 0-for-4 as activated from IL. In a related move, the M’s sent down Tyler Locklear aka TY Hooker.
Bryan Woo – 3 IP, 1 ER, 1.77 ERA, and seems to be leaving the game early with a leg problem, making some people wonder, “What if Royce Lewis is a pitcher?”
Mitch Garver – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .175. Mitches’ renaissance in baseball. I hope Mitch Green finds solace in that.
Raleigh – 1-for-2 with a slam (13) and walks (3), hitting .201, as he hit a clean sweep (woof). Raleigh stole 2nd base by turning and ducking, and because her ass is so big it reached from 1st base all the way to 2nd base.
Hello Bradley – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 3.81. He didn’t have his good stuff yesterday. The Taj is closed.
Patrick Sandoval – He will have Tommy John surgery. I was at the Dodgers/Angels game when this happened on Friday, and, as soon as he moved his arm, I said he needed Tommy John surgery. I should have gone to med school but I stood 200 feet outside the doors. I would have made him such a good doctor.
Taylor Ward – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. As I said above about being in the Angels/Dodger game, my biggest takeaway was how bad Schanuel looked. Adell was also very bad. Just don’t look like the big leagues.
Griffin Canning – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.72. Now put your sore little hands together and pray for his next start this week.
Matt Chapman – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer. The last time he hit a home run (over a month ago), he had three homers in three games, which means, he can be schmotato overnight.
Nick Ahmed – 1-for-2 with his first homer. They are only three behind Acuña. What? Don’t baby me! The truth!
Justin Steele – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.08. This month his ERA is 1.69 in 32 IP. What’s worse is that his bullpen’s ERA is terrible. Yesterday, Colten Brewer (1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.50) and Drew Smyly (1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.65) exploded. Maybe today will be Keegan and Hell if I know.
Matt Waldron – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Marmos Dad just gave you Waldron’s dream and his top 100 starters. Go there, read that!
Nick Senzel – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .218. Member while injured or well? Yes, was Senzel hanging out with Buxton?
James Paxton – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.39 vs. Garrett Crochet – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, 3.05 ERA. This match was called, “Crochet vs. Paxton, or all the yarn of Pax.”
Austin Riley – 2-for-4 with his 8th homer. Not to be greedy, but could I have one of those five home run streaks, uh, runs?
Spencer Schwellenbach – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.40. See what I said above on Povich, but he’s the #4 replacement. Streamonator wants no part of it, but is a little kinder next.
Wilson Contreras – 1-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI as activated from IL. Kevin from ESPN’s Get Him In Your Lineup Department said, “I brought a kiddie pool into the office because it’s hot outside. I didn’t mean for it to get stuck in the elevator, but I thought it might fill it with water.”
Lance Lynn – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.86. Streamonator loved this one, and he loves his next one as Lynn loves to hold his dick and saliva.
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, 2nd homer in the last two games. Praise be, your Cake Dough is not cooked.
Chris Bassitt – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.45. Bassitt has been better with walks lately. I sound like a pet leaving a note.
David Hamilton – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .282. It bothers me that I wasted my shot at Hamilton. I’m cold, Burr sighs.
Rafael Devers – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. Rafael delivers!
Tanner Houck – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.18. Houck tuah shows good polish! No brushing up, his numbers back up his explosiveness.
Connor Wong – She is out on maternity leave. That’s like saying Rod Carew went fishing. You give a boy a tool, he will use it.
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