Jake Bloss and Heliot Ramos of Fantasy Baseball
Baseball is the only sport that can spark this passion, and I’m not sure why they don’t do more. Once a month they could put two teams in a historically significant park or just a park that was a movie set. A Field of Dreams game? Once a season. Rickwood Field? Once a season. When the Hackensack Bulls play Montgomery Brewster? Once in a season! Make a game of stick ball once a year! Yes, get two teams to play on the streets and have the players bring the bases! Rizzo forgot his backpack so 2nd base is Judge’s jockstrap? Well, it is! Let’s go! Love this, give us more innovation. Yes, it would be nice if they were better teams. Yesterday’s game at Rickwood Field was MLB’s best. Do this more! Find better pitchers though than Keaton Winn (2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 7.16) vs. Andre Pallante (5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.23). But it’s still cool! Even with terrible pitching. Thankfully, bad depth keeps you guessing! Alabama junior Brendan Donovan (3-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 7th homer, and his 2nd homer in three games. So, BDon isn’t just known for hating Bo Bichette now! And, in this game, and a real breakout – Heliot Ramos (1-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, and his 3rd homer of the week. Oh, and he’s fast too. The average will go down (currently .307), but 20/12/.270 in just 100 games isn’t bad. He’s not Willie Mays, but he’s better than Wyatt Langford. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jake Bloss – The Astros called him up earlier today, and with Verlander’s IL, he could be in line for more starts. So, you may win some, but you just Jake Bloss one. From The Athletic’s article about him, “In 2023, Bloss won Big East Pitcher of the Year honors at Georgetown, where he earned a master’s degree in finance.” Damn, who is my uncle? Are you 47 years old trying to get a bump in salary? Are the Astros paying more for the master’s? I have a master’s degree, how much will they pay me? Was he competing with other 40-year-olds who were going to do their master’s degrees? “Hey, Margaret, this guy has a five-layer arsenal. A four-seamer that hits 98 and a cutter and a tight curve, but that slider? Margaret, watch that voice! And good luck with your Master’s of Library Science finals. The Dewey Decimal system is important. ” Bloss looks like a mess at the command, and I can wait and see in most mixed leagues.
Joey Loperfido – Remembering. Unlike Bloss, catch Loperfido all over the league.
Jordan Alvarez – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .296. Only 35 more! (I’ll take another 25!)
Dylan Moore -1-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (8) and walks (13). I’m kicking myself for not drafting Dylan Moore in any deep leagues. I don’t mean in the top 300, but like the top 600. He’s one of those guys that sits there in Draft & Hold for 49 out of 50 rounds, and he always returns value.
Luis Castillo – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.63. If you accidentally drafted every top 100 hitter in your draft, and forgot to draft a starter, you’re going to be kicking ass.
Andres Gimenez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Someone asked about dropping Gimenez yesterday, so I went to check where he was on Player Rater. He is in the top 100 overall. Cust kayin’.
Is Brennan – 3-for-4, with his 7th and 8th homers. Move over Fry, there’s a random new Guards player hitting the plate.
Jason Dominguez – It is expected that you will not miss eight weeks. Wow. Guess that answers how the Yankees make room in their outfield. They don’t need to.
Luis Gil – 1 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 2.77. Regression Fairies, have you no dignity? Are you bad because of childhood scars? Should you speak? Ugh, now until Gil is shut down I have to do the math on what his ERA would be without this start.
Gleyber Torres – 1-for-2 with his 7th homer. When the Yanks are down by seven runs, Gleyber goes into overdrive.
Aaron is the judge – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 27th homer. Welcome back, Dong Cheezo.
Cedric Mullins – 2-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Everyone on the O roster is dangerous, except for Mullins. So, Mullins is the one to homer in Gil. An emoji wearing a potato sack and stumbling down the highway.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer, and 5th homer of the week. Oh my God, I just saw the light of the future. Santander is exactly the type of guy the Yanks give an unexplained 5-year contract to.
Gunnar Henderson – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 12th steal. The O’s were like, “It’s good you’re in first place, Yanks, but we’re a really good team.”
CJ Abrams – Every day with a Ganglion cyst near his hand. Mad Lion is famous for the song Take It Easy; Ganglion cyst is popular with doctors who say take it easy. It is a universal symmetry. We are all connected. [bows, hits head on desk] Whoever made this stupid desk knows we’re connected and he’s out to get me!
MacKenzie Gore – 5 IP, 4 ER, 12 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.49. I wrap myself in waterproof, breathable fabric because it’s Gore-tex while I watch Wes Craven because it’s intense, as I tell people about my trip to Gore-Imma-stan because I’m a big-time fan. So, maybe I want a lot of people to say love, but I see Gore in the first teams every day where he’s at his best. It’s like “Gore or Hunter Brown?” Hunter Brown’s 4.72 ERA or the guy I wrote a preseason sleeper post about? Hmm, let’s see.
Jesse Winker – 2-for-4 with his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, hitting .270. Blinker and you’ll miss how important Winker was.
Lane Thomas – 1-for-4 with his 8th homer, 4th homer of the week, hitting .229. Lane Thomas has as many people this week as Acuña has had this year. Sorry, low blow.
Christian Walker – 2-for-5 with his 17th homer. Forward Christian Walker!
Jake McCarthy – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 11th and 12th steal, hitting close to .400 last week. He won’t be in the Buy column this afternoon, but it looks like he’s getting a bit more flexible.
Ryne Nelson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 70 pitches, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.18. Streamonator hates him, and I don’t trust him either.
Zack Littell – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.20. I’m glad to see that they approved to have an ERA of 4.20. Criminal repeal of ERAs. Finally.
Yandi Diaz – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. I probably picked him up as a batty call, but I foolishly looked at how bad he’s been all season as it matters in one game. Don’t cry for me, Argentina, call me Carlos Santana instead. Smooth!
Jose Siri – 2-for-5 with his 9th homer, 2nd homer in four games. You’ll be in today’s Buy column, because of course, Siri typed it.
Ryan McMahon – 2-for-4 with his 13th homer. The Rockies wear purple…McMahon and McDonald both start with Mick…Hey, is Ryan related to Grimace?
Freddie Freeman – 2-for-5 with his 11th homer, hitting .301. He just missed his second home run, which would have been out of a couple of parks. Shame he can’t hit more than one park homer at a time and get Schrodingers.
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3 with his 21st homer, coming off a leadoff hit with Betts’ injury. Other managers would move anyone at shortstop (Rojas) to Betts’ spot, but Dave Bobs just moves Betts and moves everyone up. Which is better (lazy)?
Gavin Stone – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.04. In what felt like a weird match of paper, rock, scissors, Stone beat Rox.
Manny Machado – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .253. Just look at where Machado was on Player Rater, and it’s worse than I expected. Before last night, he was under Matt Vierling.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 4-for-5 with his 14th homer, hitting .280. Happy Gems! Exciting Gems fast! We’re expecting a new album from them, huh?
Jackson Merrill – 1-for-4 with his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. Merrill was the season’s first column Buy, and he hasn’t been taken.
Jake Cronenworth – 2-for-5, 2 runs and 11th homer, coming off the 9th, which I know because I watched episode after episode of the syndicated show on Netflix. It looks like a bad guy IRL, as the kids say, but it’s a lot of fun to watch.
Zack Gelof – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, 2nd homer in two games, 3rd homer in three games, fourth in, like, a week I say stop holding on to how bad he was in April.
Freddy Fermin – 3-for-4, with his 3rd and 4th homer, hitting .303. Yesterday, Freddie Freeman and Freddy Fermin combined for three home runs. Do you know who had a great day? One guy in the auction league who said, “Let’s start bidding on Freddie Freeman at $1,” and everybody was like, “He’s already on your team at $38, you idiot,” and the guy said, “Uh, I mean, Freddy Fermin,” to save face. .
Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-4 with his 12th homer, hitting .322. It’s crazy that as recently as last year people thought he would struggle to hit .220. Yes, I am those people.
Seth Lugo – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.42. [enters a confessional booth] “Hello, Dad? May all my setbacks be like Seth Lugo’s fears.” “Son, what is your confession?” “Well, I’m not Catholic.”
Jose Miranda – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .280, and 2nd homer in four games. As for Cronenworth, all the twins, except Larnach and Jeffers, were hot.
Carlos Santana – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 12th homer, 2nd homer of the week, and it was near the top of the 7-Day Player Rating, which I can tell from this afternoon’s Buy column. Any hoo! Schmotato.
Simeon Woods Richardson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.26. Look at that ERA again. Do you know who SWR does? Your mothers! Sorry, cheap shot. He did what we expected from Bailey Ober.
Royce Lewis – 1-for-3 with his 9th homer, hitting .377. With help from regular commenter, Will (other), “Royce Lewis’ MLB career so far (85 games) – .319 / .377 / .606 / .983 with 26 HRs, 70 RBIs and 6 steals in 308 at bats.” Seriously, put him in one of those fat Sumo suits and be inside a giant bubble. I saw this stat the other day and I mean it: Lewis has only had three consecutive no-hitters in his career. That doesn’t make sense. Yes, I know, he stayed healthy for three more games in a row.
Max Kepler – Tried to tie with two outs (!) and slid into first base, hurting himself. After the game, he said he got the idea from reading Nick Punto’s biography, “What if They Made The Whole Body Out Of The Appendix?”
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