Juan Soto was sent to the Padres for MacKenzie Gore, CJ Abrams, Robert Hassell III, James Wood and Jarlin Susana. To quote someone speaking to the last person, “Oh, Susana.” That was only 18 months ago! I am Mr. Trade Prospects Currently. That’s me! And AJ Preller is my father. Call me Trade Prospects Now because you are Mr. Trade Prospects Currently. Any hoo! Let’s talk about James Wood because it’s time to hide. His trademark face has brought credibility to roles as diverse as (voice) in Stuart Little and someone in Ray Donovan, I’ve never seen it. He was very good in Salvador and Ghosts of Mississippi, although it is not surprising that no one counts Mississippi in Mississippi? Hunh, however, seems too old to be a hope-[intern whispers in ear] The Nats didn’t trade for the 77-year-old, two-time Oscar nominee? Oh, I see. So, the 21-year-old prospect James Wood is real. I know we said this to Langford and Chourio and others. I get it. And maybe Wood will burn out in his first taste of the majors, because his contact isn’t great (29.2% Whiff%, 27.3% O-Swing, 46.9% O-Contact). Everything else is pretty good — 58.7% HardHit%, 94.6 MPH avg EV, 109.5 MPH 90th% EV, 115.3 Max EV. In addition to his 40 homer potential? He has 20+ steal speed. He was in the top 5 of Itch’s top 25, and will be number one if he gets called up, but that’s why we’re here: He could pop up at any time. Anyway, here are some players you can buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released on Wednesday to Patreon members. It will be released year round on Patreons, so if people are jumping on you, it’s because they paid $10. Anyway, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Yasmani Grandal – If you ask me if I have big shares, I’d be lying if I said I have Yasmani, but he was one of the top catchers in 7-Day Player Rater.
David Fry – In the past week, we have seen a few flies of Fry flying in the distance, courtesy of Frau Fraufein from Frankfurt who used to be Freddy Fermin.
Jake Bauers – He accidentally wrote his name as Jack Bauers, and I remembered the connection I had many years ago. I was working on a film, I answered the phone, and someone told me his name and said he wanted to talk to my manager, and I said, “Key-for? How do you write that?” And they were like, “It’s Keifer Sutherland, you idiot!”
Carlos Santana – Last year, he went 23/6/.240. Granted, those numbers don’t twist your nipples and call you cute, but the difference between him and Vlad Jr. you might be thirty points on average. That sad Guerrero Jr.
Luke Raley – Last year, he went 19/14/.249. The difference between that and Vlad–Okay, I’ll leave Vlad alone for now.
Connor Joe – Where was he from? (Womb? Speculation here.) Where was he going? (2-for-4 out of three-hole. Oh, there not what? Gotcha.)
Jonathan Aranda – He worked his way back to the majors this week, and maybe he’ll show something soon, but, for his career, he’s been raising the doghouse in the majors. Just showing nothing.
Andy Ibanez – It has been a hot bat, and last week and iBanez was not yet a bathroom in the Latin America Apple Store.
Abraham Toro – Most of these guys are hot swing schmotatoes, but Toro has an outside chance of a top 100 season on Player Rater, that is, Toro has been fintastic.
Davis Schneider – There are two types of Little League coaches. 1. He plays all the games for his child in the right place on the list, even though the child is breastfeeding. 2. He works hard for his child, and does not give the child anything easy. The second is Jay’s manager. Davis Schneider has been a solid hitter for the Jays since August of last year and John Schneider is still hitting him.
Paul DeJong – Colonel Mustard on the loosey at the bodega!
Edmund Sosa – Has it been hot? Yes, good news! Removing some of Stott’s bats? Yes, bad news!
Otto Lopez – With the loss of Arraez, I thought that Brujan would be the van of Miami, but it turned out to be Otto Lopez, who sounds like he has a very interesting family history from when his family moved to South America in 1945- ish. Otto has a little power, good speed and is hitting .282 with neutral luck.
Ezequiel Duran – He was absolutely respectable last year (14/8/.276), and fell behind some quote-unquote top prospects this year. However, after a full month of Ezequiel putting the roof on Wyatt and Carter’s Gatorade, Duran is finally getting some playing time.
Little Caminero – Also, I wrote to hide Coby Mayo, and I just gave you my Coby Mayo dream last week. Who will come first: Caminero, Wood, Mayo? Mayo, Wood, Caminero? Wood, Paneled, Camaro? Do you get the point? I don’t know who comes first.
Kevin Pillar – Fun fact! The best descriptor for Pillar is statuesque.
Eddie Rosario – So, I jumped in with both feet to catch Rosario this past week when he was hot. He may not have seen his 2019 glory years with the bouncey ball, but he has 27-ish homers, 10-ish steals and a career .266 average in 4100+ plate appearances.
Sal Frelick – How many Freelicks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop? I don’t know anything, ask him. What are you asking me?
Leody Taveras – See what I said about Ezequiel and replace the roofie with crushed Ambien.
Brenton Doyle – Big year for guys who sound like British snack food. Colton Cowser, pass your crisps over, we’ve got Brenton Doyle’s Very Serious Nibbles!
Dairon Blanco – He is very fast and old heads can pronounce his first name like Hans and Franz.
Johnny DeLuca – He earned the Rays full-time job, which means he will play once a week and then be pushed back in June. He has shown incredible patience at the plate, and has power/speed.
Willi Castro – He’s hitting 12/20/.260, not exactly running on stage when Chippendale screams, “My Willie is so good!” but it is organized in many leagues.
LaMonte Wade Jr. – With Conforto and Jung Hoo Lee going down, someone needs to step up and the Giants can’t rely on Heliot Ramos. (I’m kidding, they can’t count on LaMonte Wade Jr. or anyone else on their roster. Giants Win Honorable Bat Challenge: Impossible.) Oh, and Heliot Ramos plays every day. He has very light power and speed and could hit .190.
Luis Matos Here’s what he said the other day when Jung Hoo Lee came down, “(Matos) is a very good prospect who has never been very good. You know how it goes. 30/30 guy who could go 1/3/.190 over the next two weeks. And I’m the one you’re quoting!
Jameson Taillon – This is Streamonator’s call, like the call it makes to its favorite comic book store.
Dean Kremer – This is also a Streamonator call. “Do you have Iron Giant comics? I went to high school with him.”
Yennier Cano – Similar to how bell rings get angel wings, every time Kimbrel goes to his McDonald’s Golden Arches in front of the stadium, the team loses its lead.
AJ Puk – There is little deep league speculation as the Marlins don’t get much, but Tanner Scott is out the door at some point. I have no less faith in Puk than the manager at Ellis Island, who saw his ancestor, and shortened Pukecowski to Puke and then elbowed him to shorten that to Puk, but somebody’s got to get the money when Scott’s gone.
Jalen Beeks – He said like Randolph and Mortimer Duke, “I’ll bet you one dollar you’ll wish you hadn’t collected Beeks for money in the shallow leagues.”
JoJo Romero – This week’s central tip is a shout out to the resident Bad Boy of Bullpens, JKJ. I asked him for a suggestion to release in between and he told me to check on JoJo. YoYo, the homeboy was hotter than HoHo from Santa when he saw Mrs. Claus is reckless.
Sell it
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – I used to like Jays. I painted in Blue Face and root, root, focusing on my beloved Jay. Now, I am praying for a call from the Blue Man Group. No one told me blue paint is forever! Last week it was Pieceofchette and this week it’s Cake Batter. Boy, these guys stink. Unlike Pieceofchette, Cake’s Statcast looks good, but it always does! That’s his schtick! “Oh, look how nice my exit velo is! Oh, look at my stats.” Get out that shizz, man! Here’s the problem with Cake, he makes good contact if you want a line drive single to left. He’s not a bad hitter, but 25/7/.275 could be changed a lot. I wouldn’t trade him for Vladimir Guerrero Jr. for a piece of gum in a pack of 1975 Topps cards, but I was going to check out our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and check out the options.
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