Happy Monday, Razzball faithful!
Your favorite friend, MarmosDad, is back for another edition of Monday Madness.
The good news? I’m here! (hopefully, that’s good news). Bad news? Today is not going to be a review of the Top 100 Microphones. Gray asked us to save that for Wednesday’s open slot.
On Wednesday, I’ll have a full update of our Top 100 Starting Pitchers list that will be influenced by the ROS Player Rater ratings. I will change the format Just a little on Wednesday as a nod to Lunyelwa. I thought I’d better give you everything you want there..
That’s right! Now that all of that is out of the way, I’m sure you’re wondering, “What are you doing here?!” Well, I told Truss I’ll put together a little something for you on Monday as well. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for the past few months, so without further ado I give it to you…
Before you get excited, don’t worry. I have a high-tech formula that I follow for all the data entry, anecdotal fuel, and statistical analysis that powers the Rizz-o-meter.
You may be wondering, “WTF is Rizz?” Well, let me share a short video to explain.
What is Rizz?
Thank you, Sir Muppet.
So the real meaning of the word “Rizz” is a shortened version of the word “charisma”. How much charisma does a person supposedly have, and how can they share that charisma or charm to impress other people? Yes, said results are more focused on finding a relationship partner (that sounds like a nice way to say it), but things are a little different on the Razzball Rizz-o-Meter.
And before you get all powerful and impatient with the new ‘kid lingo’, let’s remember that we’ve all been down this road before…
Our Rizz-o-Meter will serve as a Rizz gauge for a select few Starting Pitchers starting in the first half of the 2024 season.
Does this forward have any upside in the second half in both redraft and goalie leagues?
Does this pitcher have a lot of appeal (trade value) in your league?
Is this arm the kind of guy that makes fantasy owners swoon? Or is he the type of player that makes us think he’s the wrong hanging slide away from Skibidi Ohio’s offseason?
That’s all part of what goes into Rizz-o-Meter’s high-tech analysis. I plug the data into the machine and add some of the latest Player Rater levels. Then, I’ll sprinkle some homemade MarmosDad seasoning and add a dash of W-Rizz from the first half of the 2024 results.
The results are as follows…We will take each player and assign a Rizz factor out of 5. Then, if you want an official reading on the Rizz-o-Meter, multiply that total by 20 to get your total. Rizz-o-Meter reading out of 100.
I guess the only thing left to do is present you with the official Rizz-o-Meter icon that we’ll use to display the test…
Because, it should be this..
Everything OK? Let’s start!
Tarik Skubal – It might seem like a sandbagger move to run with our second-ranked arm from the Top 100 Starting Pitcher list out of the gate here, but we needed to make sure we weren’t just analyzing average arms on the Rizz-o-meter. Call it a good run, just to get the juices flowing.
As for Skubal, you can read more about what I had to say about Skubal at July 1 article here. Putting him in the “Terry Fox” category in that title was a huge honor, but for a guy like Skubal it’s a well-deserved one.
In the draft season, Skubal was SP11 according to NFBC data. While there was a lot of hype surrounding the Tigers’ new SP in the spring, I think I’m not alone in thinking that most managers who drafted one of the 10 arms ahead of Skubal would have picked Detroit’s 10-3 Dazzler. .
10 wins, 116 IP, 81 H, 31 ER, 21 BB, 140 K, 2.41 ERA, 0.879 WHIP?
That’s a 5/5 or 100% cool on the Rizz-o-Meter.
Marcus Stroman – Oh. Oh, are we really going there? Someone once said that you take the good with the bad, so if we start with the good we should probably look at the bad.
Marcus Stroman signed with the Yankees in January and was expected to be a key part of New York’s rotation. Giancarlo Stanton, Aaron Judge, Juan Soto, DJ LeMahieu, Anthony Rizzo, Anthony Volpe? Yes. That is a full offense. Signing Stroman was supposed to be strong movement.
If we sort the MLB first half stats by BB/9, Stroman ranks 2nd!…If the numbers are sorted from worst to best. By default, Stroman’s 4.03 BB/9 is ‘better’ than teammate Luis Gil’s 4.31 BB/9. Stroman’s K/BB comes in at a league-worst 1.66, while his K/9 is a paltry 6.69 (9th best in the league).
All of that combined leaves Stroman with 7 first half wins, 105 IP, 92 H, 41 ER, 47 BB, 78 K, 3.51 ERA, 1.324 WHIP.
Sorry, Marcus, but the Rizz-o-Meter gave you 1/5 or 20%.
Gavin Williams – This guy was one of my “Marmo Buys” since waaaaaay back in late February – early March. You remember those, right? Grayson Rodriguez, Gavin Williams, Nick Lodolo, Michael King are all names that have received Marmo’s coveted stamp of approval…
However, a funny thing happened on the way to fulfilling the promise of an epic season …right elbow inflammation sent the 24-year-old Guardians SP to IL for the better part of the first half.
At 6’6”, 238 lbs, Williams was a popular 2024 sleeper. A 95 MPH fastball, with an 87 MPH slider, and a 76 MPH curveball is a recipe for good results, and most people were hoping for a break. to the righteous.
His first game back on July 3rd was a rough one (4 IP, 7 H, 5 ER, 2 BB, 2 Ks), but his first two hits gave him a lot of encouragement. Increasing his numbers, decreasing his hits allowed, and giving up the total earned runs in those two starts means Gavin gets…
3/5 on the Rizz-o-Meter for a 60% passing grade. After the consideration of Williams, there it was the slip of paper that shot off the Rizz-o-Meter read: “Can go up to 4 or 5 depending on the second half of life and success”. What a kind and thoughtful piece of technology.
Kevin Gausman – ACTUALLY heading North into the frozen tundra that is Toronto (as I peek at the Weather Network app showing a T.Dot Heat Warning with a high of 95 degrees).
In March, there were rumors that Gausman was not ready for the start of the season. “Normal fatigue of the shoulders” was the official and additional declaration “MRI shows no structural damage”. Very nice! That’s enough bad talk to scare others! That would leave Canada Goose as an SP1 that we could draft in the 3rd or 4th round!
The problem? Well, there isn’t just one.
The hits are up, the splitter is not breaking up, the hard hit % is the second worst of his career, (43.0 compared to his 43.3% last year), and he ‘owns’ the 10th worst BABIP in MLB with .314 .
Whenever I hear the words, “Your goose is ripe”, I always think of the song “High Plains Drifter” by Beastie Boys.
Now, it makes me think of the starting pitcher that Player Rater listed as 75th SP.
At least he’s still hitting every inning? And posted three 10 K games since late May?
7 wins, 104 IP, 109 H, 52 ER, 27 BB, 104 K, 4.50 ERA, 1.308 WHIP
“Hey Google, is ‘vomitous’ a real word?”
A very cold 2/5 on Gausman’s Rizz-o-Meter. All I know is that 40% is much lower than his ownership percentage.
Prepare for the Rizzler King…
Paul Skenes – Speaking of “REALLY”, we have finally reached the top of the mountain.
Skenes should be a top 10 SP in next year’s draft. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him picked in the Top 5.
Let’s look at the cold, hard facts from our boy Paul Skenes.
11 GS, 6-0 record, 66.1 IP, 48 H, 14 ER, 13 BB, 89 K, 1.90 ERA, 0.920 WHIP.
Um…excuse me?
Oh, and I got the picture that he was one of FOUR pitchers to record the most games with ZERO hits and 10 Ks in a single season.
The other three? Nolan Ryan, Max Scherzer, and Justin Verlander.
But…oh wait…it was just announced that he will be the NL starter in tomorrow’s All-Star Game.
Uh…he’s not in line to win the ERA title! There! That’s a good point, no? I mean, it’s not like he’s so good that they can reference him directly on the main MLB stats page, right?!
If a league mentions you directly below the editable menus on their stats page…that’s usually a good thing.
*Beeps, clicks, and loud beeps start on the Rizz-o-Meter. It begins to vibrate and bounce like a washing machine being handled by a person.
Hold on tight! I thought you said this was a Rizz-o-Meter! That means this guy has to have some sort of official W-Rizz, too! There is no way he is this good at baseball AND this good in REAL life!
Ace of the Allegheny and his Pirate Princess
6/5 on the Rizz-o-Meter!? That’s 120/100!
*smoke starts coming out of the Rizz-o-Meter and flames start shooting out the sides*
No no. Things don’t go well in the 2025 “second annual Rizz-o-Meter” article.
The only thing we could criticize here is something that Skenes himself cannot control. Pirates may give him ‘childish’ treatment and lock him up tight. He will likely throw less than 50 innings the rest of the way.
Otherwise, I don’t think anyone can honestly argue that Paul Skenes is the biggest SP story of the year and deserves the title of “Rizzler King”.
I hope you enjoyed it, folks! Come back Wednesday this week for a peek at the updated list of the Top 100 Starting Pitchers!
Hope you all are doing well, and have a GREAT All-Star Break week!
Follow me @marmosdad on Twitter/X and Bluesky @marmosdad.bsky.social
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