I will admit to some kind of satisfaction in seeing the Rays suck. We should all stand up to them for what they did to our great baseball game. Does it open? It’s delicious! Doesn’t it promote prospects? It’s delicious! Throwing the boys so far beyond their limits they all get hurt? It’s delicious! Platooning everyone? It’s delicious! Okay, someone help me off this soapbox. Yesterday, the radiation (hell yes!) was the same Willy Adams (2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer, and 2nd and 3rd homer in his last two games). He has a light energy. That’s all. I was watching the game, and the balls were flying. Unrelated, but if you have Balls Flu with your Willy, go see a doctor. Please, that’s contagious. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Colin Rea – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.67. Yes, I love Colin Rea. Colin Rea Charles channels Sirius and asks them to play Georgia on My Mind. Any hoo! Rea Streamonator phone I won’t be Colin.
Zach Eflin – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.17. Yes, lose the rays, lose! Sorry.
Grayson Rodriguez – Hit IL with shoulder inflammation right at the same time Bradish and John Means come back. The examination of his shoulder went as follows. Doctor, “Does this hurt?” The doctor touched his shoulder. Grayson, “No.” The doctor hammers hard on his shoulder, “How is it now?”
Luis Gil – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.19. I’m obsessed with Gil. Call me Quentin Tarantino, because I’m a Gil man! (It works if you pronounce it right, any hoo!) His stuff is untouched by the best hitters in baseball. Reminds me of when Strider was coming out of his rookie year. Gil is very nice, but the stupidity is annoying. For Things+, Jared Jones, Hunter Greene, Logan Gilbert and Luis Gil, in front of Cease and Glasnow.
Oswaldo Cabrera – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Hello, the first week of the season that is not out yet. Say hello to your mother!
Chris Bassitt – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.45. A solid enough outing, Quality Start yadda-blabba-bloo and all that, but you should have been riding in this game as NBD. Last year Bassitt would put up an 8 IP, 2 ER career. I don’t know what’s going on with Bassitt, if I had to guess it’s his machine, but he doesn’t look good at all. 4.5 BB/9 from Bassitt? Wow, wow. Mechanics can be fixed, of course, but how long you’ll have to wait depends on the size of your league.
Danny Jansen – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer. Kirk has to bravely go anywhere off the list.
Seth Lugo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.60. Pants just gave you his Seth Lugo legend, so I didn’t want to double it, but, yeah, he’s real and awesome. The crazy thing is that he was facing Bassitt, and he’s the one he’s repeating. Lugo: The Replicant.
Michael Massey – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!
Kenta Maeda – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.02. One of my biggest early regrets was giving up on Maeda before he had a chance to figure things out. It’s a long season, so I’ll get more/better regrets.
Alex Lange – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, and his second save. We all know Foley has a career closer for the Tigers, but any guesses as to what Lange’s ERA is? Keep guessing! He must be more than you think because he lost a job nearby, right? It should be! It is 0.75. Zoinks!
Wilson Contreras – 1-for-4 with his 5th homer. It should be a shame to be promoted by his younger brother on the Razzball Player Rater. Can the ego return to that?
Tyler Nevin – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, three in last four games. What’s up, Nevinheads! You know you’re going to be in this Friday’s Buy column, because farkin’ it is! Buy/Sell is already available on Patreon.
Ross Stripling – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.24. Streamonator brought me closer to taking Stripling, though [holds stomach to indicate full] I’ve had enough of A’s.
Corey Lee – 1-for-3 with his 3rd homer, hitting .255. I am very reluctant to recommend a host in any situation – you spoiled me! – but, in a two catch league, I caught Lee and dropped Yan Gomes. Now, watch the comment, “Grey, pretty face, would you spare O’Hoppe for Lee?”
Tommy Pham – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his first homer. I don’t know what Pham’s WAR is this year but it should be 3.
Byron Buxton – Left the game due to knee pain. I’m sure it will be fine and he won’t realize he has a torn meniscus and is forced to miss the next four months.
Alex Kirilloff – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, as he pinch-hit for Manuel Margot. Baldelli is an excellent host. Trust the sausage! Then again, knowing Kirilloff, maybe he had an injury that I didn’t see. I know Buxton left the game injured and now I’m telling the story of the shaggy dog.
Bailey Ober – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.55. This game was against the White Sox and I urge Ober to throw the ball out of the strike zone once in a while.
Zack Wheeler – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.91. There are so many horrible groups. The start was against the Angels, now starring Ehire Adrianza, Kevin Pillar and Vanessa Hudgens’ boyfriend, Cole Tucker. That said, Wheeler should have made the Angels butter but was pulled after 5 IP. Don’t come with Rengifo, sir.
Patrick Sandoval – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.91. If I could put one little nugget of information into your child’s head, you would be seduced by an Angels pitcher.
Roddery Munoz – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.45. Fun fact! The Roddery is a place to buy fishing rods.
Andy Pages – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Two of his three came to my bench. Sonavabench! You are welcome.
Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.91. No, you didn’t want to draw him because of some random game in S0uth Korea. No, I don’t know why.
Jordan Montgomery – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.63. Me before the game, “Yeah, no Ohtani on the list! You are afraid of my JoMo child!” I about an inning and a half in, “What the hell did you do?!”
Joe Musgrove – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, 6.37 ERA. He’s such a prominent member of My Shizz List, that he’ll need to fire a good first month before I trust him. One home start against a weak road team? No. It won’t do that.
Jake Cronenworth – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .265. Cronenworth is a good example of a guy who got more popular in baseball because he makes better contact, his Statcast looks “good,” and he hits better, solidly, but he’s also not a top 100 guy in hitting, even if he makes better contact. .
Graham Ashcraft – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.63. Do I like Ashcraft better than Musgrove? Yes, yes I do. Thanks for asking! That was thoughtful—Did you finish my iced tea? Wow! You know I get the snoozies in the afternoon and need the caffeine.
Spencer Steer – 1-for-4 with a slam (4) and a walk (8). BDon and I were talking on this week’s podcast about Steer over Vlad Jr. and, honestly, I’m not sure it’s close.
Shota Imanaga – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 0.78. How did everyone miss how beautiful she is? Don’t pretend you know. No one knew. Unlike Triple-A, there is actually video of his every game in Japan.
Jose Bhutto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.57. This is my feeling about pitching, which I repeat every day: There are too many pitches I’ve got Bhutto off in this start and I might drop him today to someone else. He has a 2.57 ERA! If you had a 2.57 ERA in your league, you would be doing pretty well.
Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.08. From what I said with Butto, you wouldn’t draft Verlander in every league.
Kyle Tucker – 1-for-4 with his 8th homer. But he only has five cubs! Mr. H2H, what are you doing? Losing people is a stage of theft, that’s it!
Triston McKenzie – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.34. Unlike Musgrove, I’d like Sticks again, but I’ll take a good pitch after he’s raked me over the coals. (Pun noted!)
Is Brennan – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer, 2nd homer in last six games. From David Fry (the real name of the baseball player), who hits five for the Guards, their decline is very painful. I’d put it up against any of the other five below for a sniff.
Cutter Crawford – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.56. I want Connor Wong (3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI) to hit .350 this year, but I don’t want to say it in the Main as a highlighted blur, because I’m going to get a bunch. of Wong comments. Guess you could say I’m putting my Wong on.
Dominic Smith – Signed by the Red Sox. There is a word that children use called “down bad.” It’s an interest. There is a baseball equivalent of “down bad,” it’s called “Signing Dom Smith.”
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