Googling “What will X give you if X gives it to you,” while holding a treasure map with X marked on it, while talking to my cousin Jeffrey on speakerphone because he uses X to sign all legal documents while at X. , medicine and Twitter previously. This has been my last week looking for clues Xavier Edwards. What will X give you? Is there any treasure under this X? Is Jeffrey’s use of X as a signature linked to his posts about QAnon on Facebook or is there something else there? I need to get to the bottom of this. dot dot. X. Just two slashes, but what kind of slash line could Xavier Edwards deliver? Is it XAGNOF? Quick, the answer to all the previous questions: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, Jeffrey just hit his head when the Tilt-A-Whirl stopped suddenly when he was 12, yes, no! Xavier Edwards has a 40+ steal rate. That alone is good, obviously. And he makes insanely good connections, and moves closer to 15%. Yes, Xavier Edwards is the new Marlins leadoff man because of the day the Jazz left town, which sounds like a Katrina doc, but even if the Jazz were there, Xavier Edwards is the best hitter, and a very good one at that. X will give you that. Anyway, here are some players you can buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
CUT IT! This post was released on Wednesday to Patreon members. It will be released year round on Patreons, so if people are jumping on you, it’s because they paid $10. Anyway, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Dillon Dingler – Enter the thread. Now bend over in front of the mirror to look at yourself between your legs. That’s The Dingler! Dingler also has 30 homer potential.
Freddy Fermin – Last week I suggested you catch the French Terminator, Travis d’Arnaud, and this week it’s The Ferminator.
Michael Toglia – Had nine homers in July. JRod has 11 HRs on the year.
Jonkensy Noel – “Ho, ho, ho!” It’s the Big Christmas when he sees his teammates playing on the sidelines.
Joey Loperfido – He already gave you the legend of Joey Loperfido when he first joined the Astros. I’m a fan, he said creepily.
Josh Bell – One of the few guys to have a good uptick in value after his trade. Ring that bell, baby, for me and Anita.
Gavin Lux – He’s been hot, and moved up a bit in the order, while Freeman is out. It might give Roberts confidence in Lux. Do you know what you have with Gavin? Well, it yawns, but a little of everything.
Jorge Polanco – Dude was hotter than junebug in July. The junebug in July is hot and sweaty because it knows its time is running out. junebug in july settles his affairs, and says goodbye. Do I need to explain more? No? That’s right.
Max Schuemann – He played half the season. In 162 games, he would have a 12/22/.260 year. Hmm, ok, sounds better in my head. “Not so easy to separate, huh?” No, it’s not Mr. Prorater.
Dylan Moore – He was one of the hottest guys on the 7-Day Player Rater. Want more? Yes, that’s what I mean.
Jackson Holiday – Come on, Jackson, pull out the jacks! Don’t read that out loud in public.
Eugenio Suarez – 10 homers in July; JRod has 11 HRs on the year.
Coby Mayo – I just gave you my Coby Mayo dream. It was written in May.
Addison Barger Here’s what Itch had to say, “Barger struggled to be on the ball early in 2023, battling injuries and hitting .205 in his first 30 games. He recovered to slash .264/.365/.444 with eight home runs and 11 steals in 64 games from July 27 through the end of the season. If he starts there in 2024, he will provide a left-handed option in the lineup and I want to hit Gray. ” I’m starting to think I should be worried. So, Barger continued well in 2024, hitting 9 HRs with 19.3% K% in 204 ABs. It looks like I’m connecting with the weak in the mixed leagues, but I’m just one. It could get interesting right away .
Lawrence Butler – Is it me or does Lawrence Butler sound like a baseball player, but Larry Butler sounds like a basketball player? Not me, right? Great, I stumbled upon a bigger truth! What does it mean? Um, I don’t know.
Colton Cowser – I’ll be honest, Cowser should have been listed since April, but I see people are still asking about him, so I’ll include him. This is one time! (Probably not the last time.)
Jason Dominguez – You have Giancarlo’s horns. You know I’m cool at Rice. You know I’m surprised Verdugo doesn’t fall under the weight of his gold teeth. Where does Dominguez play? I think it’s not clear right now, but it will be clear at the snap of a finger and you will be slow to add him, and he can be a difference maker. My thoughts on Juneor Caminero: The Rays are the cheapest team in the league, why raise him in August? For s and g?
Kyle Stowers – Here’s what Itch had to say about Stowers, “(He) could open the season at DH after a 107+ wRC+ in 34 big league games last season and a 130 wRC+ in 95 games in Triple-A . He may not be good enough to pass up the next wave of Orioles youth, but there is plenty of playing time on offer in 2023. Plenty of time to beat Gray too!” What? So, that was in 2023, apparently, and, well…Stowers never pitched, but NL-Onlyers could do a lot worse than a flyer for what he can do with the job (eventually). It seems like a team bat, at best.
Victor Robles – He was actually one of the best pictures of M. Yes, that must be a backhanded compliment. The M’s had a chance to make a big deal at the deadline. The Rice Bowl is good, but they need a big bat, and they didn’t get it. They have the arms to win the World Series, they just need one belt. Canceled opp.
Spencer Arrighetti – This is a Streamonator call, similar to the one you make in a greeting card store.
Randy Vasquez – This is also a Streamonator call. “Do you have Get Well Soon VCR cards? I have a friend who seems to be killing us. It keeps playing a Tom Hanks movie and can’t stop.
Calvin Faucher – Andrew Nardi, Anthony Bender, I believe is part of the Marlins pen, but Faucher, Nardi, Bender might be the last three names I hear when someone mentions CDC.
Tyler Ferguson – Every time I see his name on the scoreboard like T. Ferguson, boy, I’m giggling. Like a school kid watching Norm MacDonald on SNL. RIP.
Hunter Strickland – The closer of the Angels should be Ben Joyce, but there could be some arbitration scams going on there. Either way, this hack is only done in an emergency.
Robert Garcia – You sound like someone who remembers the lead singer of The Grateful Dead badly. He also has some of the worst things alive. It should be close to the Nats. Why didn’t they trade Finnegan for peanuts? MLB has a serious lack of elephants.
John Brebbia – I am 100% funny. The White Sox lost 120 games this year! They are incredibly bad. Don’t you dare pick up the white Sox. Looking for the real lulz? Check this out from 2020:
Sell it
Anyone, Everyone or Nobody – Next week is the majority of the league’s trade period, so this is not for you and you are looking for a waiver for a player named Anybody, Everybody or Nobody. No tilde for Anyone. You spell it wrong. This Sell is getting ready to make dad proud by winning the freakin’ league! So, trade anyone for anything if it helps your team. This is your last chance to trade! Nothing is stopping you, except your fear of victory. And that is ignorance so it doesn’t really count! You can’t blame that shizz! If trading Captain Woo Cubano for two closers helps your team win this year? Then I trade Captain Woo Cubano though, like the player I love and it hurts my soul, Lupe Fiasco. If trading Ohtani for a pitcher helps you win, then trade for the best player you can think of. Go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and analyze some trades. Win your leagues, young men with premature baldness and the women they love!
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