Connor Norby of Fantasy Baseball

Think, if you will, a Vegas-style buffet but instead of King Crab Legs and Filet Mignon there are high prospects as far as the eye can see. As you go, you pick up a Coby Mayo here, a Jackson Holliday there, a Gunnar Henderson here, an Adley Rutschman there, a Jordan Westburg here, a Colton Cowser there, Connor Norby here, Kyle Stowers there–Wait a minute, you call the boss, Connor Norby and Kyle Stowers were 2nd round picks! What kind of institution do you work in here? I’m going to Rio where they respect my money and their half-off All You Can Take Buffet of Ex-Dodgers Prospects Selling Middle Relievers proves it! So, Connor Norby (0-for-3, as he struck out 9) was called up by the Orioles. Maybe I watched too many political documentaries but I thought Connor Norby was a Republican strategist. “My name is Connor Norby and I stand for tax reform.” That’s not him. Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this before: The Orioles’ top prospect was hitting well for the kids–Wait! He had a 9/7/.286 line in Triple-A with 206 ABs–Stop! His Ks are way up in Triple-A, and he might just be up until Jorge Mateo returns in 7-10 days…No? Hmm, bummer. Don’t dismiss anyone who is too crazy about Norby, Luxor has a buffet deal about prospects that will soon be improved when the deadline sale takes place. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Austin Hays – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his first and second homer. Yes, but he was the third round! Raspberries lips! It uses the hand under the armpit to make popping sounds! Lemon juice in the mouth to make a sourpuss face! Still, two homers can go a long way toward a hot schmotato.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .223. It takes real guts to hit in the middle of the O’s lineup all year and not produce a lot of fantasy value. This is often overlooked. Still, even Santander is close to 100 on Player Rater.
Grayson Rodriguez – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.28. Yes, but every pitcher has an ERA under 3.00 so la di da!
John Kusho – He had his second Tommy John surgery. Another three for one free!
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-4 with his 6th homer, hitting .295. It’s very difficult to hit .295 and it was a huge disappointment. Cake is able to pull it off. Prayer hands emoji with glue and sticking together.
Kevin Gausman – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.60. Do you know who the Jays are? The Mets. They are extremely cursed. Curse of Ohtani’s Flight Heading to Toronto.
Nathan Eovaldi – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.70. He had a nice two star week planned but I wasn’t sure if he could throw enough innings after his last start of 3 IP and Sonavabench!
Marcus Semien – 2-for-3 with his 10th homer. He’s easily in the top 50 on Player Rater, and he feels like he’s still under, and he hasn’t been incredibly hot at any point. Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink! That’s a cheap buy.
Keston Hiura – Released by the Tigers. Great, now you have a chance to explore new opportunities. Like running to the car wash.
Jake Rogers – 2-for-3 with his 3rd and 4th homers. Get that poor shizz out of Mr. Rogers!
Tarik Skubal – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.97. The Tender Years of Eddie and the Cruisers just landed on my iTunes, and now I’m singing it to Tarik Skubal. Oh, oh Tarik Skubal….You won’t wash away my tears…I wish you were here…(In my thoughts group…)
Josh Lowe – Configured in IL. Where I’m at with Josh Lowe: I’m not 100% sure he’s as good as he was last year, but I’m not giving up on him either. He needs to run like he did last year, and then we can climb again.
David Dahl – 2-for-3, 2 runs as called up by the Phils. Considering now he was playing overseas. Maybe after this title with Phils Dahl will beat Roald to Korea.
Zack Wheeler – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.23. Marmos just gave you his top 100 startups, and he doesn’t have Wheeler at #1, which is just too disrespectful–Kidding. You have him at #2, which is the same diff. But – how about him?!
Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-2 with a slam (10) and a walk (2), hitting .243, as he returned to Philly for the first time, receiving the reception of Philly’s heroes: slurs and thrown batteries.
Robert Gasser – Looking for a 2nd opinion on elbow stiffness. Always the 2nd view is the same as the 1st but with an additional bedside approach.
Mark Vientos – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 5th homer. Listen, the Mets are bad. A group of bad, bad, and not so bad as good. That being said, why not sign up for Vientos right now? 11 homers in less than 200 at-bats between MLB and MiLB. He has a K% of almost over 20% in the majors, and it looks like something has clicked. Also, Baty is gone. If JD and Alonso are gone, Vientos will score 3rd in the 2nd half.
Taylor Megill – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.00. Megill and David Peterson have all the good things in the world, but they can’t live up to their expectations.
Jake Diekman – 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.12, and his second save. He came in to take Gallo out of the game, and it worked. A real game of genius! The new Mendoza line, named after the Mets manager, is the line that separates smart from dumb, and it’s below that line. Also, the Mets closer is still a committee.
MacKenzie Gore – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 3.57 ERA. Gore is an example of two steps forward, one step back. Gore was about to get off Apollo 11, he said, “One small step for man, one giant–” He sneezes into his mask and walks down the stairs to the moon.
Joey Gallo – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Sometimes I like to think about the people who thought Gallo would strike a good balance by removing the shifts, and laugh.
Jose Urquidy – Sound is heading towards his second Tommy John surgery. “Life!” That’s Tommy John collecting another nickel.
Jordan Alvarez – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. 38 more to go! (Really no chance of reaching 50.)
Alex Bregman – 1-for-4 with his 9th homer, hitting .229, as he hit his 2nd homer in two games, third homer in four games, and fourth homer in five games. Not to Breg, man, but he’s on fire.
Yainer Diaz – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and first homer since April 11th. “Hey, don’t be alarmed, but we didn’t have any grass, and the crows were eating our plants, so we supported him in the field-Wow! He moved! Yainer is alive!”
Kyle Tucker – Day to day with a shin contusion after fouling the ball on his leg and had to leave the game. Now this is where we do the parallelogram of prayer.
Nolan Gorman – 2-for-3, and his 12th and 13th homer, 3rd homer in two games, 5 homers last week, and about five times I told you he caught him last week, but you have to think that you are gone now.
Alec Burleson – 1-for-5 and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in the last two games, and the second time I ask you to pay attention to how much Burleson is not starting. Schmotto, if you like.
Kyle Gibson – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.69 vs. Justin Verlander – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.63. Funny how expectations distort reality. Gibson and Verlander are within sneezing range of each other’s ERAs, but you don’t expect anything from Gibson, so he catches your eye, and Verlander pisses you off.
Jeimer Candelario – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Mehmer Blandelario, but he’s at Coors.
Tucupita Marcano – He is being investigated for allegedly betting on baseball while at IL for the Pirates. He would have been banned for life if it was true. Here’s his Hall of Fame story! Also, here’s my TikTok video tweet and it’s cracking me up (make sure the sound is on; it’s like AI I can’t even pronounce):
– Razzball (@Razzball) June 3, 2024
Manny Machado – 1-for-2 with a slam (6) and legs (4). Can you sell after that? Then I thought about it.
Matt Waldron – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.98 vs. Tyler Anderson – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.37. The Streamonator got me after both of these double-dippers. Guys and five girl students, I started to practice two beginners this year. I don’t remember their attraction being as strong as it was years ago. But I see them and I go vroom vroom.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-4 with his 8th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Some people say there is no such thing as “hot” bats and “cold” bats. I think they are talking about winged creatures.
Ryne Nelson – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 1 K, ERA at 5.44. As bad as last week’s two starters were unplanned this week’s two starters have been great so far–Damn, I just learned Saturday and Sunday starts on these guys.
Heliot Ramos – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer, 2nd homer in last two games. Matos who?! A recently named Giants official. It’s a metaphor, a Random Italicized Word. “Matos who” is a metaphor?
Michael Conforto – 0-for-4 as activated from IL. Have you ever put a guy on your weekly list and immediately know it’s going to explode with a loud bang?
Victor Robles – Signed with the Mariners. If there’s one place Robles can help, it’s certainly not the worst parks and lineups. It means that the Mariners will combine Canzone and Cantfigureoutthezone.