Davis Schneider of Fantasy Baseball

Singing Dan Hill’s Sometimes When We Touch, “You ask me if I love you, and I stifle my answer, and I’d rather hurt you for real, then I lie to you, and who am I to think you can hit like Aaron Judge !” I cried as I touched the TV screen there Davis Schneider he stops, lightly touching the spot where his mustache rests on his upper lip, turns to all the Tim Hortons, shouts, “Good! You see that, huh?” So, Davis Schneider is interesting, not just because of the Chia Pet sitting on his upper lip telling me to touch, but because he came out last year and hit so well – 8 HRs, .276 in just 35 games – and everyone thought. He had a Septacular performance. But the thing is, he’s hitting .260 about the same crazy speed. He’s on pace for the 25/15 season. Oh, and Davis Schneider has been hitting for a while. It’s time to change that Anyway, here are some players you can buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released on Wednesday to Patreon members. It will be released year round on Patreons, so if people are jumping on you, it’s because they paid $10. Anyway, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Patrick Bailey – The bullies let Bart go with Bailey. Sadly, they didn’t go with Bart/Bailey, because that sounds like a Jimmy Stewart character, and I would have gotten a lot of mileage out of that.
David Fry – Fry is as hot as any player. I said on Twitter about how it hurts to go from Acuña to Fry, and from 1.1 to hot schmotato is sad, but naturally Guards fans didn’t take it well.
what is the job of Ronald Acuña Jr. have you seen it? pic.twitter.com/pVTL1pyjJr
– Razzball (@Razzball) May 27, 2024
Alec Burleson – It feels like every player I’m recommending so far is like five homers, two steals and a hit above his salary.
Mark Vientos – The Mets said bienvenidos to Vientos and buenos noches to Brett Baty. Why? I couldn’t tell you. It doesn’t make sense. The Mets are in a rebuilding process, don’t you know? That’s why they demoted Brett Baty and will give useless bats to JD Martinez.
Luke Raley – Most of the guys here are platoon bats, and Raley is no different, but well played, you can get some value from Raley, that is, Luke, he is my quit fodder.
Alex Kirilloff – He’s been hot, according to the 7-day Player Evaluator, so this isn’t against picking him up this week, but his 162-game hitting streak averages 18 HRs and a career-high .248.
France – Showing real strength lately. Yes, France! I wonder who is sitting on him.
Gavin Sheets – Just think, you could pick up France/Spreadsheets and rename your group to something fun shizz, like, “Doily Patterns,” and your wife would ask, “You mean like Dolly Partons?” then you can think to yourself forever, “What is the right answer here?”
Dylan Moore – D. Moore pressures me. Donnie Moore comes to mind, and then I get really depressed thinking about Dudley Moore. He was the ultimate king of short drag models!
Tyler Freeman – Guardians Raise Astros Cheaty Cheaty Bang Scandal. They don’t hit trash cans, they hit people with trash.
Nick Gonzales – I just gave you my dream of Nick Gonzales. It was written playfully by tiddlywinks.
Colt Keith – His contact is terrible, if you look at his entire season, but it could be a slow start in his first appearance in the league. There were some who thought he had too much power in the minors, which is becoming unbelievable for the Tigers. Fool me once (Tork), fool me-well, I won’t be fooled again!
Ji Hwan Bae – He is hitting .230 with a 25 speed. There is a place for that. For the Pirates, it’s one.
Brett Wisely – Take your smartphone now and add Wisely! No, not Brett, I’m saying he uses creativity to add players. That’s right, he added Wisely. He has been hot. That’s right.
Masyn Winn – We’re at the point in the season where you can easily multiply a guy’s stats by three and see what they come up with, and, boy, snuz. “Win is fun!” [then you see he’s on pace for 6/20] “That’s right, that’s right.” For those wondering, the score is very low. Now that we have a large enough sample, we can see it. .240/.311/.388 league averages. That’s a .699 OPS, last year’s was .734. League ERA is 3.97, last year it was 4.33.
Edmund Sosa – I was actually very busy with part-time work. Hehe, I said doodie.
David Hamilton – It’s hard for me not to see him and think how I went through FAAB about a month ago to him, then he didn’t play, and I dumped him. I love him for stealing though, and I’ll try not to watch Hamilton and think about how I wasted my shot.
Nolan Gorman – No-Ha is Yes-Go! Think about it, it makes sense.
Michael Garcia – [wearing a crown of hot schmotatoes] “I don’t know how Michael Massey wore this at the plate every game.” That’s Michael.
Jose Miranda – He is 26 years old and guess how many career games he has played. Up and down and platoons and–bzzt wrong! Played over 200 games! He’s hot, so don’t take this the wrong way, but are the twins beating his hopes up? Don’t say Joe Mauer! Name someone else as your 9-year-old nephew, Bengee, was born. And don’t ask me why your sister wrote like this Benji!
Kevin Pillar – I understand why most people don’t jump headfirst into Pillar. It’s a column. It can be painful.
Rob Refsnyder – It’s Umpsnyder. Geez, learn some baseball words. He’s lucky he’s hot and hitting in the middle of the Red Sox lineup (some days).
Matt Vierling – I saw Wenceel Perez in the leadoff vs. righties and Vierling vs. lefties and I thought, “Wow, the Tigers are bad.” Any hoo! Vierling was hot.
JJ Bleday – Ice Cube, “You know it was Bleday…”
Brenton Doyle – Sometimes I think I shouldn’t bother talking about guys, because they should have been listed last month, and Doyle is one of them.
Alex Verdugo – I don’t know what happened when Dominguez came back, but Verdugo has one of those years like the big cornerbacks, counting the years. It might be 85/25/85/.260, which is a pretty bad third baseman.
Jarred Kelenic – Still can’t hit lefties, and, even Acuña is out, well, the real beneficiary of his knees is:
Adam Duvall – Kelenic’s clear words got you here, but Duvall could be what I was describing in the Verdugo blurb. Duvall is capable of being a solid, fantasy-league contributor, but he’s probably too old now, to be honest. We will have to see if Duvall is more or less mature than Justin Turner.
Luis Matos – He’s been hitting leadoff, he actually has a lot of upside, he could be a five-stage player, and I don’t have much confidence in him this year.
Robert Gasser – It looks good in general, but this is a Streamonator call, like a call to the new brunch place in town.
Sean Manaea – This is also a Streamonator call. “What if I just wanted to stop by, catch my breath and maybe eat a forkful or two?”
Jalen Beeks – The Rockies’ closer lineup of Beeks and Tyler Kinley or Jaler Kinks makes you wish you hadn’t thrown SAGNOF in the shower.
Reed Garrett – There’s also an Adam Ottavino game in the Metco, but there’s likely to be a closer speculative catch available in most leagues. Check out the Bullpen Chart for real closers.
Andrew Kittredge – This is gradual. Ryan keeps going to Helsley too. I heard the other day he was tipping, and I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is and he continues to do it, it will continue to be bad for Helsley.
Jeremiah Estrada – I’m sure no one can tell you which middle relievers will come out of the preseason. I’m not sure the teams know. Jeremiah Estrada looks ridiculously good. You know, the guy who had 12 walks in 10 2/3 IP last year. Of course, no one knows.
Sell it
Manny Machado – So, this is a bit of a guess. Bear with me, if you will—Why are you taking off your pants? I told you to be patient! Bear! Like a chef show! Put your pants on! So, Machado had elbow surgery, and now he’s more flexible than at any point in his career. He never had a Launch Angle below 10 degrees before this year. His fly balls are very low, literally. He sticks everything in the dust as if he is trying to destroy the ants. I think his elbow is bothering him and affecting his swing. You don’t need me to tell you that Machado hitting ground balls is actually Yandy Diaz with a .260 average. Learn more about the host, Yucky Diaz. Freakin’ destroyed him! I wouldn’t trade Machado for an underwater cruise to the Titanic, but I would take a look at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore the options.